glare.

When I was in high school I didn't want to exist. I was so exhausted at the idea of eternity. I wanted there to be nothing after death. If I could barely handle life as a teenager why would I want to continue living forever? I didn't. But then sometimes I was ok with it, and I liked it, and I looked forward to it somehow. And when I felt that maybe someone I loved very very much might not be there with me I felt a terrible sadness. When John and I got married I gained this incredible gratitude for Eternity. It became the most important thing to me. It's what I live for. I get to be with him forever. I guess the difference is that Eternity alone was never attractive to me. It's eternally being with or without my loved ones that makes the difference between heaven and hell.