..And it's because I do what I know is bad for me! I know that looking at facebook or blogs for too long, particularly looking at other pretty girls pictures, makes me feel so bad about myself. I partly compare myself to others who appear to be more beautiful and in better shape and to make more money and wear cuter clothes and have cooler friends and lives which makes me feel like crap.. and then I partly rag on the same girls thinking how ridiculous and materialistic and narcissistic they are.. but neither of those thoughts makes me feel good. I know I just need to avoid the temptation or even the opportunity to be tempted to start comparing myself with others. There's absolutely no point in it. And I know I need to stay away from facebook and blogs. The internet is not reality, Lindsay! And yeah - it's a bummer to admit that I'm not just 100% confident in my own skin and fearless and that, yeah, I do feel self conscious and less-than sometimes even when John tells me a thousand times a day that I'm perfect. I clearly am not, so sometimes instead of thinking it's sweet I think he must be lying to my face or have seriously impaired judgement. I feel like a teenager. And being a teenager sucked. I want to wear my "I hate everyone" t-shirt, even though I don't really have one and I could never actually wear something like that in public. The closest thing I really do have is a "Kill hipsters" t-shirt.. which is more ironic than indicative of my feelings towards "hipsters" ..whatever those are now.
Am I on my period? yes.
Will I regret this post? yes.
Do I care? I want to say no and act like I don't but I really do.
Do I kinda want to make everyone around me mad? yes but no but yes.
Is anyone around me? no but John will be home soon and I hope I'm not a total jerk to him. I'm gonna try to be sweet. I will be sweet. Even though I'm resentful of things that aren't real that I just made up in my head like dumb facebook comments that I am sensitive to but shouldn't be.
Am I taking crazy pills? no but I should be.