Whats up errbody? Why is this font so big? Is it? Hahaaa or is it just the dumb library internet? Welp. Life. It's stupid hard right now. I'm trying not to be trunky. I miss my sisters and my mom and my claire. Ahhhhhhhhh. Claire! So excited for her to be wed.
We have bed bugs. I have bites EVERYWHERE. Ok that's a huge exaggeration. But it's still a pain. A super itchy pain. We've fumigated twice. Again this week.
This week I was asked to spell my name. I did. E as in eternity. R as in razor blades. I as in I hate my life. C as in cutting... and so forth. I was in a bad mood. But hey, I'm getting out of it. I'm trying to see the good in this horrible storm of anxiety that is raining down on me all day everyday.
I had a good talk with President Martin. He gave great words of comfort. He believes in me. And he really does know me. He knows this Lindsay Ann Erickson as well as the Hermana Erickson.
I know that what I'm here doing is the greatest thing I could possibly be doing. I am forever in love with the mission. It has been and continues to be the thing that brings me unsurmountable joy and satisfaction. I have truly thrived here. It's my element. The strictness of the mission, not so much. But all the loving we do and meeting people. It's my thing. I have developed myself and the Lord has developed me as well.
Mediocrity is self inflicted. Genius is self bestowed. And I have had a ridiculously genius mission. I just need to RELAX. Stop trying to control everything. Leave perfection to Jesus. And chill out a bit.
I'm sorry if this sounds too pessimistic for a sister missionary to be saying. I'm just as human as anyone else. Just as prone to depression, loneliness, stress, anxiety, temptation, laziness, etc. We're set apart only if WE set ourselves apart. I've done my best to do that. But being a missionary doesn't magically make you immune to all the woes of life. Think of it this way: Satan hates me more that he hates you because I spend 24/7 doing his enemy's work. The elements are combining against me. But I will overcome. I'm a unicorn. Faith, Healing, Mystery. Ha.. Uhh... I mean... I'm the Lord's servant. I'm his child. I have all the resources I need. Not all the ones I WANT but I get by with a little help from my friends in high places. Really high places.
I'm doing ok. Really. Homemade banana bread from mom helps. Thanks mom.
Love to whoever reads this.
at 11:38 AM