Arriving at the Salt Lake airport at 6 AM this morning in shorts and a tshirt was less than ideal..

I'm taking my girlfriend to the airport.

Back to the mainland.

I often feel like word verifications relate to my life or what I am currently doing. I wish it could be a staysesh.

Hey, I really love it here.

Text from BYU: "Severe Weather Warning: The National Weather Service is warning of a winter storm today that will far surpass anything that we've seen, probably for the last few years. The combination of snow, extreme cold, and possibly damaging winds will make travel extremely hazardous."

Good thing I'm in Laie, Hawaii where it was almost too hot to sleep last night.

(mp3) Hot Chip & Bernard Summer - Didn't Know What Love Was

I'm going to Hawaii tomorrow. Cheee hooooo.

GET FUNKY

(mp3) Young Galaxy - Peripheral Visionaries

(mp3) Kisses - Kisses (Electric Sunset Remix)
(mp3) Gypsy & the Cat - The Piper's Song (Aeroplane Remix)

Going to go see that movie today.

What I've been listening to this week. Can't wait to hear the new Strokes.

Where I've been the last two days.

I just want to encourage everyone to start reading the Police Beat if you don't already. It's great.

Google image results for "unemployment."

First day without a job. I am going to get a haircut, buy film, go to the MOA, walk the dog.

All Sebastian ever wants to do is hump me. Ugh, I hate it so much.

Welp, I just filed my own termination of employment form. Weird! It's been a fabulous 2 1/2 years. I have met so many interesting people and grown up a lot thanks to this job. I will really miss it and everyone there! Love my rentabody chickadees forever. Mwah.

But if you give a little love, you can get a little love of your own.

Can anyone spot my dad?

Hey, thanks for leaving the best chapstick at my house. Really.

What am I gonna do after this Saturday when I no longer work 40 hours a week? I almost just googled "things that take time." Ha. I could watch 20 movies a week. I could bake 40 cakes. I could listen to 685 songs. I could drive home to Massachusetts. I could drive to and from Salt Lake 53 times. I could get 40 massages. I wonder what I will really do.

Hey James, happy birthday. I love you, like, a lot. See you soon? Luv, Linds.

I didn't have teen angst when I was a teenager. I had teen angst when I was 4. My parents didn't know what was wrong with me. A therapist finally recommended our family get a dog. So we got Woody. That dog was my world. Best friend. Compadre for many years. Miss you bud.

Whenever someone asks me a yes or no question, I almost always respond with either the simplest answer (meaning it gets me out of the conversation fastest, requires fewer follow up questions than the truth, etc.), the opposite of the true answer (just because..), or with whichever answer seems funniest to me. This is lying. I know. It almost never catches up with me but today, it most definitely did.

I grocery shop for my office every monday. I typically buy a TON of bananas, apples, bread, peanut butter, jelly, snacks, etc. I never get through the grocery store without at least 3 people saying to me, "Hey, that's a lot of bananas." I know, people, okay. One time my checker said, "Hey, that's a lot of bananas. You must work at a daycare!" It had never dawned on me that my work is very much like daycare, but when she said those words, it just felt so right. I said, "Yes, I do."

6 months later, I am checking out once again. The checker says to me:

"Hey are you the girl that works at the daycare?"

"Umm.. yes?"

"That's so cool! What is it called again?"

"Uhhh well it's just more like a family thing really.. just from my home, you know.."

"Oh, so where are you located?"

'Ohh well my sister and I just run it out of our house in Provo.."

"Oh like where??"

"Um kinda by the temple?"

"How many kids do you guys have?"

"I guess there's about 15 but we don't have all of them everyday.. (what??)"

"Well that's awesome cause my kids are at this one daycare but I was really hoping to switch them. Do you have a website or any contact info?"

"Uhhh well the thing is we are actually going out of business..."

"Oh?"

"Um yeah, you see, I'm moving out of the country soon."

"Oh wow where?"

"Spain. To be a nanny. I know, really cool! Ok thanks gotta go, have a good one!"

The worst thing is that when she asked me for my contact info.. I was THIS close to writing my phone number down on a piece of paper just to make her happy. I just wanted to help her kids go to a good daycare. And if I ever did run a daycare it would probably be the best daycare ever so... why not give her my number right? Ugh.

(mp3) MEN - Simultaneously (Lauren Flax Remix)

A few quotes from dinner:

Uncle to cousin: "Why are you wearing a Mets t-shirt? What does that even have to do with anything?"

Aunt: "They really know me at 7-11. I sometimes go 3 or 4 times a day. Mostly on Sundays, cause you can't go to Smith's on Sunday or you might see someone from your ward!"

Uncle: "Desperate Housewives is the best show. The acting is like a bad middle school play."

Uncle: "I wonder if that guy knows he has a little do-dad on his forehead."

Uncle: "Do you know what the word censorious means? Faultfinding."

Cousin: "Something something breakfast something."

Grandma: "Didn't you have fast sunday today?"

Aunt: "Ope!"

Uncle: "Fasting for most Utah mormons just means sleeping in and postponing breakfast until 9:30"

Aunt: "You're allowed to have a puppy? Does Honor Code know about it?"

Uncle: "It's ok as long as you don't have sex with it."

Aunt: "George!"

Uncle: "Come on, Lindsay knows I'm a pervert."

I pulled out one of Sebastian's loose teeth last night. Best mom. Craziest mom.

If I ever feel better

Remind me to spend some good time with you

You can give me your number

When it's all over I'll let you know

From the H-ween. Doi.

Last night I just needed to go to sleep and forget the real world. Sleep has always been my refuge when I'm down. I took a few swigs of codeine and was out like a light. When I tried to get up this morning I passed out 3 different times. In my room, in the bathroom, and in the hall. I tried to eat something but my jaw was too tired to chew. Ha. My body is falling apart. My life is falling apart.

Lesson learned: When you commit to serve a mission, equally good and bad things will happen to you. FACT. (Please someone get that joke)

(mp3) Wolf Gang - Lions In Cages
(mp3) Wolf Gang - Back To Back

Hand-embroidered lithographs by Shaun Kardinal.

Last night I was at a party and I was having a really great time dancing with my friends. I took a little time out on the couch though and was rubbing Sebastian's belly. He loves that. And so I got to thinking... I am the best girlfriend. Let me explain. The love I'm willing to give never ends. I give gifts. I'm comfortable being affectionate in public but am definitely secure enough with myself to spend time talking and mingling with others. I am not clingy. I feed my boyfriend all the time. I clean up after him when necessary. I'm not a total brat but I'm also not a pushover. I can be firm and direct with my feelings when the situation requires it. I love spending quality time with him but also trust him enough to spend days at a time with his buddies. I don't need to check up on him constantly. I rearrange my schedule for him. I meet him half way. I am a great cuddler, especially in the morning. I care about his physical well being. I know what he likes and doesn't like. I can even tell when he has to go to the bathroom.

So if I am such a great girlfriend... a) why is my boyfriend A DOG?? and b) why have I been single for 2 years??

That is all I have to say about that.

So I decided to check out the myldsmail.net email system that all missionaries have to use. To be honest I was expecting the worst. But hey, look familiar? This is great.

Lately I just keep thinking, "Man I'm gonna be so old when I get home from my mission."

In the shower just now I was replaying a scene from Gossip Girl in my head. It was so moving that I got chills.

I keep thinking about the scene from the Sixth Sense where Mischa Barton pukes and says,"I'm feeling much better now." By the way, this was us on Halloween. Thanks for the pic Mar.

Correct me if I'm wrong, but the term "food poisoning" definitely seems to imply that someone purposefully poisoned my food in order to make me hate my life and blog about it endlessly as a coping mechanism. It's different from food "contamination." That sounds like an accident to me. But I don't have food contamination. I have food poisoning. So I have narrowed down my suspects to 3, one of which is twice as likely to be the culprit.

First we have unnamed-boy-from-ward who brought over chocolate cake yesterday. I don't know this boy and statistics show that most kidnappers and sexual predators are friends or family of the victim. I feel that this is also true of food poisoners so I do not think it was him. Next we have Claire's visiting teachers. They brought over a plate of pumpkin treats of some sort. Now this situation requires some thinking outside the box. You see, these treats were not actually intended for me in the first place. So... were they trying to poison Claire and due to a twisted turn of fate I was the one to actually bite the witch's apple? Claire has never done anything to hurt anybody so I really don't think anyone would have it out for her.

So last but not least we have the most obvious suspect. They say to always keep your enemies close and this one was right under my nose. Claire prepared 2 food items for me yesterday. Toasted pumpkin seeds AND microwave taquitos. That's right. I hope you can all tell what a healthy eater I am after this blog post. Anyway Claire must be the one because she has the best cover story. She is my roommate. She is my best friend. She is basically my sister. How could someone so close to me do this? Well easy, no one would suspect her. But my detective skills are much better than that. So you've been outed Claire. Now tell me what I did to deserve this? I'm sorry I took so long to wash your sweatshirt and return it. I'm sorry Sebastian pooped in your room. I'm sorry I forgot to tell you your fly was down all day. What?

I love you Claire. Forgive and forget. Lylas bff.

When I woke up around 7 I knew that as soon as I sat up I was going to immediately start puking. I had to plan accordingly. I decided the little trash can was my best bet. I did not however foresee the problem that Sebastian would be. Dogs are really disgusting. I used to have a dog who would sneak away if he could to a stable or something and roll in horse shi... manure. There was also this one time when I was in Peru for the summer. I threw up on the ground somewhere in some dusty little town and stray dogs came and ate it. Nasty. So yeah, Sebastian was not the most accommodating puke partner this morning. He was more interested in getting a taste than keeping my hair out of my face and rubbing my back to help me feel better. So now we can add that to the list of disgusting things he does, along with eating cat poop. Animals. Ew.

This is my theme song today. I've concluded that I have one gnarly case of food poisoning. Any volunteers wanna hold my hair back while my insides come violently gushing out? I didn't think so.

Just puked my brains out for 20 minutes. Cool that I'm giving a class presentation in an hour.

Did anyone else see that girl running down 7th East in her underwear at 4:30 AM?? Oh wait that was me chasing Sebastian.. chasing a cat..

It's hard to study when this thing insists on sitting in your lap all night. Or when all you ever do is video chat. Heh.

In my experience Christmas music is something people are very passionately opinionated about. There are no fence sitters on this topic. With only one exception, I personally dislike hearing all Christmas music played outside the actual week of Christmas. Claire LOVES all things Christmas and has already begun her listening sprees which, luckily, have so far been confined to the bathroom while she is in the tub. But guess what people, it's only November first. I am in for a long 2 months.

The woman in front of me in the checkout line today was buying 170 pounds of on sale Halloween candy. "Can you tell I work with the cub scouts??!! haaHAAAA!!!!?!" she asked the broken-english speaking checker. He gave her this look like, "lady, what the hell are cub scouts.." Anyway, she was a talker. I could regurgitate so much useless information about this woman right now.

I am in the worst mood. Things that have made it better so far: screaming at the top of my lungs in my car, having a stick-out-your-tongue war with a kid in the grocery store before his mom caught us, nostalgic convo with a guy from Cape Cod who I noticed wearing a bosox hat at the gas station, Jeff Klakring asking if we could "hot rub" later. I think he meant hot tub? Anyway, I said yes. Sebastian was the best cuddler in the world this morning. For a dog, at least. Oh yeah, and Taking Back Sunday. The thing is, none of these things actually improved my mood in the slightest.

Remember when I used to drive a LandRover?